should i tell my best friend im asexual and pansexual thanks for all you do
This depends on your relationship with your best friend! Have you known each other for a long time? Are they accepting and do you know how they react to these sorts of things? Try dropping subtle hints here and there to begin with, and maybe even mention queer celebrities to see their reaction first!
I’m sorry, but I would need to know more about your situation in order to help you further!
I'm about to turn 13 in a week and I have always thought of myself as straight until I started crushing on a girl who went to my school. I'm now confused about my sexuality. What am I?
I remember being in grade 3 and having the biggest crush on a gorgeous Egyptian girl in my grade. The issue with this was that I wasn’t sure whether or not I was actually queer (which I am now aware of), or if I was merely bicurious! Truth is, nobody can really tell you what you are than you, and no one will be able to tell you what sort of category you ‘fit into’, let alone if you even fit one to begin with!
Sexuality is commonly regarded as fluid, and that may be the case for you! But at the same time, you might need to explore a little and figure out what you’re interested in before you can really work out what your orientation is. And hey, if you don’t work it out now, that’s fine! There’s no rush. I’m in University now, and I’m still unsure about my orientation half the time.
I hope you have/had a wonderful birthday!
NOTE: I’ve decided to start this blog back up again, but if I do, I’m also considering changing the URL and opening it up to more advice rather than just solely focussing on queer-issues. The downside would be that people who frequently come/came here for advice might be a little confused when they discover the URL change. So if I do, I’m going to redirect traffic from the old URL to whatever I change it to.
Hi, I'm a 16 year old bisexual male. My best friend is straight and we are really close. He knows that I'm bi and has no problem with it. We help each other with relationships, and it's always worked until lately. I've been single for a while and I've realized that I'm in love with him. His girlfriend is a close friend of mine, but seeing them together makes me feel terrible. I'm becoming depressed and it is all that I think about. I can't just walk away, he's my best friend. What do I do?
Firstly, I’d like to point out that if something is making you feel that way, you need to either try to control the situation or get out of it. That sounds insanely harsh, but it’s true. Every year I try to make a list of goals. This year one of my main ones was to remove all toxicity from my life - this meant cutting back on smoking, not drinking as much and ultimately, anyone or anything that made me feel bad about myself had to go. The problem with this situation, however, is that you’re close with the people that are making you feel depressed.
I want you to know that you are not alone. You never have been, and you never will be. If seeing them togethers makes you feel terrible, I think that ultimately you have two options - you could either a) limit hanging around them when they’re together, or b) attempt to get over your best friend.
Seeing as I’m not 100% sure as to what kinds of people they are, I’m not sure how they would react to this. On top of that, if it were me with my best friends, I would tell them straight out what’s going on, but you may or may not jeopardise your relationship with them both. I think you should try to sort things out with them, and realise that even if things don’t work out, I’m sure that you’re an incredibly lovely person and will find someone in due time that will love you just the same.
Also, in case you do need any extra help, please try one of the following hotlines.
- Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (2433) – Can use in US, U.K., Canada and Singapore
- Suicide Crisis Line: 1-800-999-9999
- National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK (8245)
- National Adolescent Suicide Helpline: 1-800-621-4000
- Postpartum Depression: 1-800-PPD-MOMS
- NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group: 1-800-826-3632
- Veterans: 1-877-VET2VET
- Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis: 1-800-233-4357
- Suicide & Depression Crisis Line – Covenant House: 1-800-999-9999
- Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide: (UK only) 0844-561-6855
- Beyondblue info line: (Australia only) 1300-22-4636
- 24/7 Crisis Line:(Canada only) 905-522-1477
- Lifeline Australia: 13-11-14
So I came out as bi to a couple of my guy friends a few days ago but my BFF who is like my sister practically pukes whenever she even hears the word lesbian because girl on girl is so wrong to her (and not cause she's religious). It's just girls though, she ships gay couples like a madwoman. I want to tell her because it's part of who I am, and maybe because I have a boyfriend she won't be too fazed by it, by I'm scared I'll lose hr as a friend. Ideas?
How did the friends you came out to take it? I suggest building a network of support just in case anything goes wrong. Also, personally I’ve always hated the double standards on things like this. Although usually it’s the other way around. Everyone thinks two girls kissing is ‘hot’, and when two dudes do it everybody suddenly thinks it’s disgusting. Although I can understand that it seems foreign to some people, if she’s a real friend, it won’t change her. Believe me, you don’t want a friend who doesn’t like who you are. I’ve lost friends I cared about a lot recently, purely because I’m doing University a year early. If people don’t want to be your friend, they’ll drop you for the stupidest reasons. If she genuinely wants you around, she’ll stay. And if she doesn’t, believe me, she wasn’t worth your time.
I have a gender fluid date to my prom (I am a high school girl), how do I explain this simply to my parents? They tend to get confused when I talk about genders.
I hate this! I get this all the time when trying to introduce certain friends to other people. I try explaining it as a spectrum. You’ve got one end and the other, and then the vastly different places in between. Or how about talking about cookies like this one?
I am a 16-year-old queer girl from New Zealand and I have no idea how to go about coming out or how I would be accepted in the queer community. I'm small and academic, I play the flute in the orchestra, I feel like this is the last thing anyone would expect from me? The whole queer community seems to be so vibrant and colourful and out there, and I'm just a little introvert who wants to kiss a girl. Is coming out a good idea at all if I'm not going to fit in in my new demographic?
It depends on what you would feel comfortable with. Ultimately, it’s entirely your choice and down to you, but if you would not be safe, try to avoid it. If coming out puts you in any danger, don’t. It’s really shitty that it’s like this, but you might have to wait if that’s the case. If, however, you know you would have support around you, latch onto those people first. When I came out, I told a handful of people that were closest to me, and I sort of gauged how they reacted to gay celebrities and such, and when I could tell that they were okay with it, I let them know first. Try to make a support network first. Also, might I add, the queer community is a very diverse place. Believe me, there are dozens of people like you. I’m quite similar, actually. I’m 18, studying at University a year early, and play music and direct short films as a past time. The people I’ve dated have been the most diverse group of people, and I ensure that you won’t be the first or the last introverted queer girl. :)
And I wish you the best of luck, both with academics, music and the queer community.
I like a girl who is already in a relationship. I feel terrible but I think she likes me too because at our school dance yesterday we slow danced to every song we could and as the night went on we slowly danced closer and closer together. It was amazing. But what do I do? Do I tell her my feelings? Or wait til she is single?
Personally, I would have a hard time keeping it in. But if she’s slow dancing with you she probably has some sort of thing for you! I guess what I would do is gauge how great a relationship the one you have with her is (ie. are you guys friends/acquaintances/best friends etc.) first. If you’re extremely close, you might be able to tell her, but just be careful not to put it in a way that would make it seem like you’re trying to get her to split up with her partner, because that would be bad and she might even get angry at you!
Do you think that she would be single relatively soon? Or do you think her current relationship is rock solid? Either way, you don’t want to jeopardise the relationship she already has, but I think that if you try and subtly hint it at her to find out if she really likes you back it might be something you could try. All in all, it’s your choice! If it were me it would depend who it was with, if I was close with them and if I thought it would upset anybody!
I don’t know enough about this situation to help much more, but if you let us know what else is going on I might be able to help!
My friends always tease me saying I'm bisexual but I think I am. I really want to come out but I'm scared that its just a phase. I'm scared that my relationship with my mom will change. Im scared that my friend who isnt open minded at all will hate me and my other one who is a lesbian and told me she likes me will think that I like her back when I dont and our relationship will change. I've only ever kissed a boy so I'm not experienced with anything. Im just so fucking confused about everything.
Hey hey! I completely forgot about this blog.
Alrighty, firstly, if someone is not willing to accept you, they are NOT a true friend. Unfortunately, a lot of people today and incredibly narrow-minded, and you’ll often get a lot of crap from them. Personally, I’ve been with men and women, but I used to identify as “pansexual”. Now I’ve sort of ditched all labels, and I’m currently dating a lovely boy who I think the world of. Because of this, I often get my friends teasing me “jokingly” about being a “hasbian” or the fact that “you can’t be bisexual because it’s not a real sexuality”. Granted, they’re joking, but it still sucks, y’know?
If your friends are true friends, they’ll still love you. And your mom will still love you. I know personally, my family is somewhat homophobic, whereas my boyfriend’s family is incredibly open-minded. Go figure.
What’s important is that you explain to everyone you tell (if you choose to say anything) that it doesn’t change you. And you’ve always been this way. Or maybe even come out as “bi-curious”, and let them know that you feel like you might be attracted to two genders/sexes rather than just one or the other. You don’t have to be experienced at all. I knew I was the way I am since I was a child and had a crush on a little egyptian girl in 3rd grade.
Explain to your lesbian friend that you don’t reciprocate those feelings, but you just want to be really good friends with her and you don’t want your relationship with her to change.
And finally, you don’t need to be experienced. I know I already mentioned that, but I can’t stress this enough. No matter what your situation is, you don’t have to sleep with people to define yourself as one sexuality or another. There was a period in my life where I had only been with women, yet I still identified as liking more than one gender/sex, because hey, that’s how I am!
On top of this, if your situation is a dangerous one ie. you might be kicked out of home or attacked for who you love (which is fucking ridiculous that shit like this still happens in this day and age) then be on your guard about who you tell. Try and sus it out a little first. And above all, if you EVER need help, contact a helpline, or even shoot me a message! You can message me here or at www.xlaiyn.tumblr.com/ask
Good luck! I don’t know you, but I have faith in you, darling.