mymomcantfindthisblog: So I came out as bi to a couple of my guy friends a few days ago but my BFF who is like my sister practically pukes whenever she even hears the word lesbian because girl on girl is so wrong to her (and not cause she's religious). It's just girls though, she ships gay couples like a madwoman. I want to tell her because it's part of who I am, and maybe because I have a boyfriend she won't be too fazed by it, by I'm scared I'll lose hr as a friend. Ideas?

How did the friends you came out to take it? I suggest building a network of support just in case anything goes wrong. Also, personally I’ve always hated the double standards on things like this. Although usually it’s the other way around. Everyone thinks two girls kissing is ‘hot’, and when two dudes do it everybody suddenly thinks it’s disgusting. Although I can understand that it seems foreign to some people, if she’s a real friend, it won’t change her. Believe me, you don’t want a friend who doesn’t like who you are. I’ve lost friends I cared about a lot recently, purely because I’m doing University a year early. If people don’t want to be your friend, they’ll drop you for the stupidest reasons. If she genuinely wants you around, she’ll stay. And if she doesn’t, believe me, she wasn’t worth your time.

- Lana

Anonymous: I have a gender fluid date to my prom (I am a high school girl), how do I explain this simply to my parents? They tend to get confused when I talk about genders.

I hate this! I get this all the time when trying to introduce certain friends to other people. I try explaining it as a spectrum. You’ve got one end and the other, and then the vastly different places in between. Or how about talking about cookies like this one?

- Lana

Anonymous: I am a 16-year-old queer girl from New Zealand and I have no idea how to go about coming out or how I would be accepted in the queer community. I'm small and academic, I play the flute in the orchestra, I feel like this is the last thing anyone would expect from me? The whole queer community seems to be so vibrant and colourful and out there, and I'm just a little introvert who wants to kiss a girl. Is coming out a good idea at all if I'm not going to fit in in my new demographic?

It depends on what you would feel comfortable with. Ultimately, it’s entirely your choice and down to you, but if you would not be safe, try to avoid it. If coming out puts you in any danger, don’t. It’s really shitty that it’s like this, but you might have to wait if that’s the case. If, however, you know you would have support around you, latch onto those people first. When I came out, I told a handful of people that were closest to me, and I sort of gauged how they reacted to gay celebrities and such, and when I could tell that they were okay with it, I let them know first. Try to make a support network first. Also, might I add, the queer community is a very diverse place. Believe me, there are dozens of people like you. I’m quite similar, actually. I’m 18, studying at University a year early, and play music and direct short films as a past time. The people I’ve dated have been the most diverse group of people, and I ensure that you won’t be the first or the last introverted queer girl. :)

And I wish you the best of luck, both with academics, music and the queer community.

- Lana

they-call-me-elvis: I like a girl who is already in a relationship. I feel terrible but I think she likes me too because at our school dance yesterday we slow danced to every song we could and as the night went on we slowly danced closer and closer together. It was amazing. But what do I do? Do I tell her my feelings? Or wait til she is single?

Hey there!

Personally, I would have a hard time keeping it in. But if she’s slow dancing with you she probably has some sort of thing for you! I guess what I would do is gauge how great a relationship the one you have with her is (ie. are you guys friends/acquaintances/best friends etc.) first. If you’re extremely close, you might be able to tell her, but just be careful not to put it in a way that would make it seem like you’re trying to get her to split up with her partner, because that would be bad and she might even get angry at you!

Do you think that she would be single relatively soon? Or do you think her current relationship is rock solid? Either way, you don’t want to jeopardise the relationship she already has, but I think that if you try and subtly hint it at her to find out if she really likes you back it might be something you could try. All in all, it’s your choice! If it were me it would depend who it was with, if I was close with them and if I thought it would upset anybody!

I don’t know enough about this situation to help much more, but if you let us know what else is going on I might be able to help!

- Lana

Anonymous: My friends always tease me saying I'm bisexual but I think I am. I really want to come out but I'm scared that its just a phase. I'm scared that my relationship with my mom will change. Im scared that my friend who isnt open minded at all will hate me and my other one who is a lesbian and told me she likes me will think that I like her back when I dont and our relationship will change. I've only ever kissed a boy so I'm not experienced with anything. Im just so fucking confused about everything.

Hey hey! I completely forgot about this blog.

Alrighty, firstly, if someone is not willing to accept you, they are NOT a true friend. Unfortunately, a lot of people today and incredibly narrow-minded, and you’ll often get a lot of crap from them. Personally, I’ve been with men and women, but I used to identify as “pansexual”. Now I’ve sort of ditched all labels, and I’m currently dating a lovely boy who I think the world of. Because of this, I often get my friends teasing me “jokingly” about being a “hasbian” or the fact that “you can’t be bisexual because it’s not a real sexuality”. Granted, they’re joking, but it still sucks, y’know?

If your friends are true friends, they’ll still love you. And your mom will still love you. I know personally, my family is somewhat homophobic, whereas my boyfriend’s family is incredibly open-minded. Go figure.

What’s important is that you explain to everyone you tell (if you choose to say anything) that it doesn’t change you. And you’ve always been this way. Or maybe even come out as “bi-curious”, and let them know that you feel like you might be attracted to two genders/sexes rather than just one or the other. You don’t have to be experienced at all. I knew I was the way I am since I was a child and had a crush on a little egyptian girl in 3rd grade. 

Explain to your lesbian friend that you don’t reciprocate those feelings, but you just want to be really good friends with her and you don’t want your relationship with her to change.

And finally, you don’t need to be experienced. I know I already mentioned that, but I can’t stress this enough. No matter what your situation is, you don’t have to sleep with people to define yourself as one sexuality or another. There was a period in my life where I had only been with women, yet I still identified as liking more than one gender/sex, because hey, that’s how I am!

On top of this, if your situation is a dangerous one ie. you might be kicked out of home or attacked for who you love (which is fucking ridiculous that shit like this still happens in this day and age) then be on your guard about who you tell. Try and sus it out a little first. And above all, if you EVER need help, contact a helpline, or even shoot me a message! You can message me here or at www.xlaiyn.tumblr.com/ask 

Good luck! I don’t know you, but I have faith in you, darling.

- Lana

This blog isn’t dead.

But the ask box seems to be. Ask us for advice, guys!